To visit Karing I have to cross the river twice and a smaller stream
once, with hikes through woods and across a rice field in between.
Karing is one of my "nieces." She lost her mother to tuberculosis
while Bill was first in here building our house in 1982. We've known
her since she was about seven years old. I remember her then as a
scruffy little girl with raggedy clothes and wild, uncombed hair. She
used to play with our two daughters in the river, under our house, on
the airstrip. They grew up together.
Karing's father arranged a marriage for her, against her will, at
about age thirteen. She ran away from that husband after a short time
and went back to playing with our daughters. How many ten-year-olds
do you know who have a playmate who is also a divorcee?
That is one of the sadder aspects of the traditional Palawano culture
-- young girls forced to marry too young and against their will. Even
though most people here know that their young daughters aren't ready
for marriage, and even less ready to bear children, there is great
cultural pressure to marry off the girls. A bride price is involved.
The gifts are agreed on and exchanged from the boy's clan to the
members of the girls clan. Not like in our culture, where the couple
receives the wedding gifts. Oh no. So when a baby girl is born, an
uncle will say, for example, "When that child marries, I want a brass
beetlenut box as my part of the bride price." Other clan members will
make their requests for their part of the bride price -- perhaps some
plates or a blanket. Sometimes even a cow. Then as the girl
approaches puberty, her grandfather may say, "I want to see that
child married before I die." Perhaps the girl's clan has already made
an agreement with another clan to marry the girl to their son. And so
the pressure builds. Greed. Not wanting to be ashamed in front of the
boy's clan. And another little girl gets married too soon. Often the
girls are not even fully grown. Sometimes they are forced to marry a
man much older than themselves. And the worst part is when those
young girls get pregnant. Their still-developing bodies are not ready
to bear or deliver a child. Sometimes the birth results in great
damage to the young mother's body.
Karing was fortunate that she didn't get pregnant too soon. But
another young woman, from a hamlet about two hours walk from us,
wasn't so lucky. She was just buried here last week. Her frantic
husband brought her to us seeking help for a problem pregnancy. By
the time she arrived it was already too late. She was writhing in
pain and in very grave condition. From the best we could gather from
her symptoms and the history of her sickness, she had a tubal
pregnancy that had ruptured. Possibly a week or more before. Her
husband told us he would sell all his land to see her get the medical
help she needed. He wanted to fly her out to the hospital in the
nearest town. The plane wasn't immediately available that afternoon.
But we don't think it would have saved her. She died that same night.
When I visited Karing the other day, of course the young woman's
death was one of the topics of our conversation. Karing asked why a
baby sometimes starts to grow outside the "house of the baby," their
word for womb. I told Karing there are different reasons, but it
sometimes happens as a result of damage in the mother's body from
previous difficult births. That was when Karing told me that this
young woman was one who was married as a child. She was still very
little when she got married, and her husband was older. She was one
who got pregnant and bore a child too young, and suffered much in the
childbirth. Her subsequent pregnancies were very difficult as well.
And this last pregnancy ended up killing her. She left behind a very
sad husband, and four other children. The youngest one was about five
years old. Karing said she felt especially sorry for that child, as
she remembers she was just about that age when she lost her mother.
Those Palawanos who have become believers in Christ have the strength
to stand up to the cultural pressures that threaten their children.
Now many girls from Christian families aren't marrying until they are
seventeen or nineteen or twenty. I know that is young from our point
of view, but it is so much better than marrying at twelve or
thirteen. This isn't something we have told them to do or preached
about. The Spirit of God wrought this change in their hearts.
Karing eventually remarried a hard-working and handsome young man
from a Christian family. They now have three cute kids. She is one of
the blessed ones who know Jesus Christ. And Christ is making a
difference in her life. I love visiting with Karing. She talks fast,
and I still have a lot of learning Palawano to do to keep up with all
she says. But we share a bond of memories forged over many years,
years full of both difficulties and joys. Visiting Karing always
gives me a smile, though sometimes the things we talk about make me sad.
