Why, why, why does it go this way?
And why, why why?
All I can say is somewhere down the road
there'll be answers to the questions.
Somewhere down the road,
though we can not see it now.
Somewhere down the road
you will find Mighty Arms reaching for you.
And they will hold the answers at the end of the road.
. . . And all I know to do is keep on walking, walking round the bend. . .
As I write this now, I'm somewhere down the road, sitting in our mission guest house in Manila. Bill and I are in the same place at the same time again. My mom is with Jesus. And I think I have answers to some of the questions. But first, you need to know, I found those Mighty Arms reaching for me as soon as I turned around and looked. They weren't somewhere down the road, they were right there waiting for me. God met me in that little house in that little town in Iowa. He took me back to the basics, reminded me of His unfailing love for me. Reminded me of His power. Reminded me of all the trials He has brought us through in all the years we've been walking down that road. He wrapped those Mighty Arms around me and let me rest in Him. Immersed me in the Psalms -- Be still and know that I am God. God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time. From his throne he observes all who live on the earth. He made their hearts, so he understands everything they do. Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in you alone.
I think I am beginning to see God's wisdom in the timing of this whole thing. We've been a period of transition since last September when we moved out of the family home in San Diego. In five months we changed locations 30 times. Some of those moves were very major ones. Then all of a sudden, in the middle of February, I found myself at a dead stop, sitting in Ida Grove, Iowa. And, you know, I was really ready to sit still. In fact it was wonderful to stay put without a whole lot to do for awhile. The first weeks with my mom were a time of rest for me. I just basically had to keep house for her. And by the end of my mom's struggle with cancer, when she needed more care, I was ready to help her.
If God knew He was going to take my dad home in November and my mom home in April, why didn't He keep us from returning to the Philippines last October? I think I know the answer to that question now too. It has been a good thing for us to get re-established in the Philippines. God has used Bill in a number of ministry opportunities during these months. And then, as his asthma flared up in reaction to the tropical heat and humidity, he could get help for it. While he waited for me to return to the Philippines, he stayed in Manila, in an air-conditioned setting, under the doctor's supervision. The medications have had time to take effect, and his breathing is improving week by week. He should be good enough to go on to the tribe very soon.
Why did I have to lose my mom now? I still don't know the answer to that question. But I do know that God wanted me to be with her for her last two months. He wanted me to see the work He had done in her life. He had work to do in my heart too. My mom came into her relationship with Jesus Christ late in her life. She spent the last several years involved in a loving church, attending Bible studies, growing in her faith. She spent those years doing good and helping others. She was very much loved in her community. I got to see that first hand. I got to know her friends and neighbors and came to love them. It was sad when it was time to leave Ida Grove, and say goodbye to everybody who had loved my mom there.
And then, when it was time to leave Iowa, and stop through San Diego, the timing was perfect for dealing with some business issues about my dad's estate. And of course, it was wonderful to spend time with Bethy and Lis and Chris, and my sister and her family.
So I'll keep walking, walking round the bend. Bill and I are facing not just a new chapter in the book of our lives, but a whole new part. Our responsibilities for our aging parents are over. Our two daughters are about 95% launched. I don't know all that the next part of the book holds, but I do know those Mighty Arms will always be there. And so I'll just keep on walking.
